When couples encounter the word “divorce,” they naturally assume the worst. A so-called ‘Sleep Divorce’, on the contrary side, may actually make your relationship happier and healthier. This does not entail going to court or doing anything extreme; instead, couples who practice this opt to sleep in different rooms or beds in order to achieve better quality sleep. Nesting couples may opt to sleep separately for a variety of reasons, and the big benefits that can frequently result from this decision may surprise you. Continue reading to learn all you need to know about the practice, which is far from as unpleasant as the “D” word implies. Here you will discover everything about sleep divorce, including the perks and cons and how you and your significant other may stay restfully in love while avoiding sleep disruption.
What is Sleep Divorce and How is it Becoming More Popular?
If the pandemic has exposed minor (or major) relationship faults, you aren’t alone. Your partner’s chewing might drive you into a tailspin. Snoring has been linked to fury. Or, after nearly a year of spending every waking moment together, you may have accepted a Heart-breaking truth: you love your live-in partner but desire a sleep divorce.
Sleep divorce is becoming a more popular way for couples to get a better night’s sleep. It involves sleeping in separate beds or bedrooms, allowing each partner to choose their sleeping environment and routine. This can help couples who have different sleeping habits and needs, such as one who snores and one who does not, or one who likes to stay up late and the other who prefers to go to bed early. Sleep divorce can be beneficial to both sides if each person is allowed to choose their nighttime regimen. Although many people express guilt or shame about oversleeping away from their relationship, the trend of sleep divorce is spreading.
I’m curious, what proportion of couples sleep apart?
According to a recent National Sleep Foundation study, one in every ten couples sleep in separate rooms, and almost one in every four married couples sleeps in separate beds. The growing number of bespoke homes with separate master bedrooms is even more revealing. According to a National Association of Home Builders survey, the percentage of potential homebuyers opting for two complete master bedroom suites increased from 25% to 40% in the 15 years leading up to 2018.
What are the Benefits of Sleeping Separately from Your Partner?
What would your love language be if sleep had one? Regardless matter how well you and your spouse are suited to one other, you may discover that your sleep patterns and schedules are incompatible. What is the solution? Perhaps a ‘sleep divorce’. With more couples opting to sleep separately, it’s worth exploring the potential benefits of ‘sleep divorce’. Sleeping apart can offer a range of advantages for couples, from improved quality and quantity of sleep to increased intimacy. By understanding the pros of sleeping separately, couples can make an informed decision as to whether this arrangement is right for them. This arrangement has become increasingly popular among couples who have trouble sleeping together. Sleep deprivation and poor sleep can result in impaired immunity, depression, diabetes, heart disease, obesity, emotional health concerns, and even accidental deaths and lower productivity at workspace.
Sleep divorce can be an effective solution for couples struggling with sleep issues, but it is important to understand the potential risks and benefits of this arrangement before making a decision. While the phrase “sleep divorce” has lately gained popularity, many experts say that it adds a negative stigma to what is frequently a very significant development for couples.
Who Can Benefit From a Sleep Divorce?
Different sleep schedules Different bedtimes and/or wake timings can contribute to poor sleep. If fact, perhaps you and your relationship have opposite circadian rhythms, such as you being an early bird and your partner being a night owl. By sleeping in different rooms, you may reduce the influence of one person’s schedule on the other, resulting in better sleep for both couples.
Different sleep preferences Another scenario in which a sleep divorce may occur is when partners have different views about their ideal sleeping environment — for example, you may require near-total silence to sleep while your partner prefers to fall asleep with the TV on; or you may prefer a cozy, soft bed while your partner prefers a firm mattress. By sleeping separately — with each pair arranging their beds and accommodations to their own preferences — each individual may sleep in the most comfortable atmosphere without negatively affecting their partner.
Sleep disorders Finally, “in the case of a sleeping disorder,” couples may benefit from a sleep divorce. This can involve snoring or an untreated sleep problem such as sleep apnea, which can result in loud snoring. Sleeping in separate rooms eliminates that distraction, allowing both partners to obtain the rest they require to function productively.
Are You Sleep-Divorced? Signs You Might Be On Your Way to a Sleep Divorce
You become worried around bedtime
You have far too many earplugs
Your medicine cabinet is stocked with sleeping aids such as nasal sprays and sleeping tablets
You rely on alcohol to help you fall asleep
You sleep with the TV on or other noise to block out your partner’s snores
Your bed companion sleeps too hot or too chilly, which interferes with your sleep.
Is Sleeping Apart Make You Grow Apart from Your Partner?
We’ve already discussed how sleeping together may be detrimental to a marriage or relationship, but what about the other side of the coin? Sleeping apart does have drawbacks, as proven by a recent study showing enhanced REM sleep.
Cuddling and sleeping next to your partner has been shown to increase oxytocin levels (also known as “the cuddle chemical” or “the love hormone”). Oxytocin is an important factor in the science of pair bonding, both between mothers and babies and between love partners. According to Psychology Today, oxytocin fosters trust.
How to Negotiate a Sleep Divorce with Your Partner and Make a Timeline
Despite sleeping apart, there are various expert-approved strategies for maintaining your strong emotional connection.
Be mindful of different forms of physical intimacy.
Continue to increase physical affection throughout the day. It doesn’t have to end in sex (unless you want it to), but anything from taking a shower together to watching Netflix together goes a long way. Things like that foster physical closeness… and make you feel connected to your mate. If you’re worried that sleeping apart may interfere with your sex life, you should also discuss it. You may keep the passion by scheduling casual sex or finding other creative alternatives.
Clear communication
Communication (both in initiating and navigating the sleep divorce) is the most critical factor in ensuring the transition is good for the partnership. After you’ve tried sleeping alone, we recommend scheduling occasional check-ins to evaluate how you’re both doing. This is also an excellent time to make any necessary changes to the strategy. Perhaps you want to spend one more night together because you’re getting lonely. Or perhaps you schedule an additional date night to spend quality time together.
Intimacy should be prioritized
Many couples utilize their time in bed together at night as an opportunity for closeness. If you remove that time from the equation, you’ll need to find other ways to replace it. Although sleeping together is a frequent way for couples to establish closeness or build intimacy, it is not the only option. Both you and your spouse should agree to be intentional about finding ways to enhance emotional closeness and to stay accountable to ensure it happens.
Enjoy Quality Time Together
However, your desire for an emotional connection does not have to end at your bed. Indeed, the opportunities to nurture and improve your connection outside of sleeping hours are practically limitless—you only need to be a bit imaginative.
Be Creative in Your Hard choices
Of course, not every marriage has separate rooms or areas to allow for a sleep divorce. If this is the case for you, consider what compromises you could make. Perhaps a white noise machine could assist to mask your partner’s snoring. Alternatively, if your partner has a habit of stealing the blanket you are presently using, you may use several blankets. Come up with innovative solutions in your relationships. If you require more assistance, consult with a therapist or your health care physician.
Have Complete Trust in Your Relationship
It’s normal to feel insecure when you do anything that deviates from the usual. Keeping it secret might safeguard you from outside criticism. It is not required that you discuss it with anybody outside of your relationship. Set limits and don’t feel bad about keeping your privacy. The idea is to focus on what makes you happy, rather than what society tells you you need to be happy. In some cases, that will mean sleeping in the same room, while in others, it will mean sleeping in separate spaces.
Not every couple is sleep compatible. Sleep compatibility is very different than relationship compatibility. — DR. JENN MANN
Can Sleep Divorce Save Your Marriage?
While there is no definite way to mend anyone’s marriage, there are small things that couples may do to improve the quality of their relationship. One of those little details is sleep divorce. If you and your partner are having difficulty sharing a bed (or a bedroom), it may be causing more damage to your marriage than you know.
No one performs well when they are sleep deprived. You will be exhausted, grumpy, and resentful if you and your partner are unable to obtain sufficient sleep when sharing a bed.
Feeling this way on a regular basis, especially if it is related to your connection with your significant other, can erode the foundation of your marriage. It might lead to you and your spouse bickering regularly and being dissatisfied with your marriage over time. Fortunately, there is a technique to avoid such problems entirely. The following are some of the advantages of sleeping in separate beds:
Instill Desire
Building anticipation might be very beneficial to your relationship. Sleeping in different beds or rooms allows you and your partner to miss each other, which can make you more thrilled to see each other, such as when one of you is away and you reconnect after the trip.
Avoid Disputes
You’re likely to disagree. Every couple does. However, if you and your partner are well-rested, you will likely be less grumpy than you might otherwise be. Couples who are not irritated are less likely to dispute as frequently as irritable married people.
Personal Time
Everyone needs time to themselves. Having your own bed or sleeping area will provide you with some more space to rest and refresh. You can’t be the best for your significant other if you don’t first take care of yourself.
Less Demand for Physical Intimacy
You married your husband or wife for a purpose. You want to have sexual relations with them. That does not, however, imply that you and your partner will always be in the mood for sex at the same moment. Sharing the same bed might put a spouse who isn’t in the mood for sex under pressure to have sex with a partner who is. Sleeping in different beds can assist to prevent this.
While some couples like sleeping together, it’s quite OK to separate at night. What makes you happy as a partner is the foundation of your relationship. We know there are several approaches to have a connecting, healthy connection. The essential thing is that you do it with love, agreement, clear communication, and mutual respect for one another, whether you’re doing anything inside the norm or outside of it. Finally, couples must do what works best for them. Couples that are connected, happy, and well-rested prosper. Each pair must determine the best strategy to reach that aim.
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